On a positive note

In the midst of my crisis, I have realized how fortunate I am in certain areas.  I will focus on the big three for tonight.

My love:
Through this terrible loss, I have felt a new bond with Adrian.  Prior to this, we were much like any couple happily anticipating the birth of their first child.  After experiencing such pain and agony together, I feel that if we can rise out of this, we could overcome just about any challenge together.  Just the other day, we were out for a walk when it started to downpour.  We kept walking, and I had said, "If I had to walk in the rain with anybody, I'd want to walk in the rain with you."  

Our family:
Our parents were so excited about their little granddaughter!  They were completely devastated when she was lost.  Their sorrow was compounded by their pain for their own children's broken hearts - they hurt because we hurt.  We have felt so much love from our parents, our siblings, our extended families.  Some relatives in my extended family have remarked on the time that Angeline spent with us on a family trip in Arizona.  She was only 18 weeks along at that time, yet her presence was with us!  It means so much to me that she is a recognized member of our family and her loss is felt by our entire extended family, across the US, over to Europe and down under to Australia.

My friends:
I have some really wonderful girlfriends.  Several I have been close with for a long time, we've been through ups and downs together.  Love and heartbreak, of course.  Weddings and divorces.  Milestones.  Illnesses.  Births and losses.  They have been here for me as completely as a girlfriend could.  Other friends from many years past resurfaced unexpectedly when they heard of my tragedy.  A phone call, a card, flowers, a thoughtful gift.  Still other friends in my current circles, have drawn closer.  It is amazing how certain people really rise to the occasion of being a strong, caring friend in a setting of crisis.  Finally, I have been privileged to make new friends with some incredibly courageous parents of other lost babies.

Other things that I am positive about and grateful for:  work that I love, an amazing group of colleagues and staff, living in one of the most beautiful parts of the country, my health.  So, while each and every day presents its difficulties and sadness, I recognize that I am greatly blessed in so many areas of my life.