Our Story

My email to family, friends, colleagues
Early January 2011

As you know, Adrian and I were happily anticipating the arrival of our baby girl around the first week of March. As you have heard, this past week we experienced a horrible turn of events. Many of you have had some updates from my parents, and I wanted to respond to your kind messages myself and share some details of our experience.


I was 30w 5d into what has been a completely normal, healthy pregnancy. All of my screening tests had been reassuring and there had been no indications of problems whatsoever. I had been seen in my OB's office on Tuesday afternoon, where normal fetal heart tones were documented and my exam right on track. I decided to spend the evening relaxing, we had a light dinner at home and watched a movie. I awoke early Wednesday morning and thought I noticed a decrease in the baby's movement. I became increasingly concerned when I was unable to locate fetal heart tones on my home monitor. I called my OB and was instructed to report immediately to the hospital for fetal diagnostic testing. By this time, I was very concerned, but not in complete panic, as I felt certain there must be some explanation, such as a change in the baby's position. I simply did not believe that something would go so wrong at this late date.


Our nightmare began when the high-risk OB performed an ultrasound - within seconds, I knew for certain that our baby girl had died. I will never forget the moment that he turned the monitor toward me to see the absence of the heartbeat with my own eyes. We were told that the ultrasound findings suggested this was a very recent event, likely within the previous 12 hours. There were no abnormalities seen otherwise, and I was told this was possibly an "umbilical cord accident." We were instantly devastated.


We spent a difficult day at home waiting for my OB to return from her holiday travels. I went in for the induction of labor late Wednesday evening. The epidural was perfect, it went in very smoothly and was very effective - I had it in for many hours and never felt any significant discomfort from contractions or the delivery. The induction took hours - the whole day Thursday, in fact. Of course, Adrian was there and my cousin came in early in the day and stayed with us until the end. Several of my friends and colleagues came by during the day on Thursday, everyone showed so much love and support. My phone never stopped alerting me with text messages and calls from friends / family from back East expressing sympathy and support. While it was difficult to spend so much time in this process, I think it was probably helpful in terms of helping us to psychologically adjust to what was going on. I was finally ready for delivery just before midnight. My OB arrived within 15 mins of our call. She was wonderful, in such a horrible situation, she tried to make everything as easy and painless as possible.


I finally delivered just after midnight on 12/31. We named her Angeline, as she will be our angel baby. The delivery was quick and painless, there were no complications. There was no obvious abnormality seen at the time of delivery, except for a short umbilical cord, according to my OB. She also noted it was slightly difficult to draw the cord blood and there may be a clot. Of course, the placenta, cord and baby will be examined by the pathologists.


I did all of the things that are suggested in this situation - I held the baby, we took pictures. The hospital has a protocol where they prepare a "keepsake" box with various items, and there is an organization called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep," which sends a professional photographer take do photos that are airbrushed and touched up to remove signs of bruising, etc. I told the baby that she was wanted and we loved her, and that I didn't know why she had to go, but that we would miss her very much. I had the hospital chaplain come in and say a blessing for us.


I was discharged at noontime on 12/31 and I have been recuperating here at home. We are doing as well as could be expected.

We would like to thank all of you for the many expressions of sympathy, love and support you have given us. As sorrowful a time as this is, we are overwhelmed by the goodness of the wonderful people in our lives who have done so much to ease our pain. Thank you all. We love you.



It would be weeks filled with angst and bewilderment before we finally learned the results of Angeline's autopsy: she had a very severe congenital heart defect. Angeline was a fighter, she held on as long as she possibly could. Then one night she slipped away and her soul soared to heaven. This blog chronicles our journey after Angeline.