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It's been awhile.  A really, really long time since I've written anything here.

No, we still don't have a rainbow baby.

It is a long and painful story I won't go into in detail.  Suffice to say, believe it or not, things can actually get worse than having your baby die: You can lose your beloved baby and struggle to have another one.

Oddly, you eventually come to terms with the fact that your path is a difficult one.  Things that come easily and naturally (sometimes quite by accident) to others are not within your grasp at the moment. For whatever reason, you maintain a flicker of hope that things will turn out the way you hope and pray they will.

Or maybe they won't.  That is the truth of the matter, as much as no one wants to admit it.

Meanwhile, you carry on.  You learn to smile and laugh in spite of everything.  You live the life you have been given and try to find the joy in it.

You make this journey your own and make this place your home.