Tuesday, January 15, 2013
A Saying Goodbye Film | Every Baby Matters
This UK organization is working to break down the stigma surrounding stillbirth and infant loss.
They are called "Saying Goodbye." Please watch and share their touching spoken word video.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Home
It's been awhile. A really, really long time since I've written anything here.
No, we still don't have a rainbow baby.
It is a long and painful story I won't go into in detail. Suffice to say, believe it or not, things can actually get worse than having your baby die: You can lose your beloved baby and struggle to have another one.
Oddly, you eventually come to terms with the fact that your path is a difficult one. Things that come easily and naturally (sometimes quite by accident) to others are not within your grasp at the moment. For whatever reason, you maintain a flicker of hope that things will turn out the way you hope and pray they will.
Or maybe they won't. That is the truth of the matter, as much as no one wants to admit it.
Meanwhile, you carry on. You learn to smile and laugh in spite of everything. You live the life you have been given and try to find the joy in it.
You make this journey your own and make this place your home.
No, we still don't have a rainbow baby.
It is a long and painful story I won't go into in detail. Suffice to say, believe it or not, things can actually get worse than having your baby die: You can lose your beloved baby and struggle to have another one.
Oddly, you eventually come to terms with the fact that your path is a difficult one. Things that come easily and naturally (sometimes quite by accident) to others are not within your grasp at the moment. For whatever reason, you maintain a flicker of hope that things will turn out the way you hope and pray they will.
Or maybe they won't. That is the truth of the matter, as much as no one wants to admit it.
Meanwhile, you carry on. You learn to smile and laugh in spite of everything. You live the life you have been given and try to find the joy in it.
You make this journey your own and make this place your home.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Quiet
I've been quiet here lately. I haven't been able to bring myself to post anything in more than a month. I don't want to be a Debbie-downer in the babyloss blogosphere. I realize that is something of an oxymoron, and of course, there are many heart-wrenching, painful, depressing posts out there.
But really, there are a handful of general classifications of people who read these blogs: 1) the newly bereaved mothers 2) mothers who are some months beyond their loss and looking to the future 3) the babyloss mothers who are either pregnant or have just given birth to their rainbow babies 4) friends, family, other supporters 5) a very small group of assorted individuals who are interested in babyloss for other reasons (hopefully legitimate!)
Groups 1 - 3, and there is some crossover here, constitute the majority of the babyloss blogosphere readership. Basically, none of them would want to think about, let alone hear about, all that I have been experiencing lately. It is simply too discouraging and depressing. It's hard to understand how people with a dead baby can be further disillusioned, but they can. It's because, after some period of suffering their loss, they regain hope that their lives will become less painful and that they will have a sense of joy again. So, they don't like to hear about situations where a babyloss mother just keeps getting the beatdown. Again and again.
The fact is, I am now 18 months out from the worst day of my life. For unknown reasons, it took a very long time and extraordinary efforts for me to conceive again. Only to suffer another early loss. No idea why. It is every babyloss mother's worst nightmare. That is, the nightmare after the original nightmare. And it happens to be my real life.
It is particularly difficult to stomach the probing questions from well-intentioned friends and acquaintances. They SO want to hear good news from me. Some of them genuinely care about what I have been going through and are getting what I call "empathy fatigue." It is very difficult to continue being positive and supportive with a friend who has been facing extreme difficulties for a prolonged time. Then there are those who don't actually care about me specifically, but want to hear good news of some sort of turn-around of events because it bothers them to know that life can be so cruel. They need reassurance that something so awful won't happen to them, too.
While I don't want to get into a lot of details about what has been going on, I felt I should give a brief and honest statement as to why I have very little to say at the moment.
But really, there are a handful of general classifications of people who read these blogs: 1) the newly bereaved mothers 2) mothers who are some months beyond their loss and looking to the future 3) the babyloss mothers who are either pregnant or have just given birth to their rainbow babies 4) friends, family, other supporters 5) a very small group of assorted individuals who are interested in babyloss for other reasons (hopefully legitimate!)
Groups 1 - 3, and there is some crossover here, constitute the majority of the babyloss blogosphere readership. Basically, none of them would want to think about, let alone hear about, all that I have been experiencing lately. It is simply too discouraging and depressing. It's hard to understand how people with a dead baby can be further disillusioned, but they can. It's because, after some period of suffering their loss, they regain hope that their lives will become less painful and that they will have a sense of joy again. So, they don't like to hear about situations where a babyloss mother just keeps getting the beatdown. Again and again.
The fact is, I am now 18 months out from the worst day of my life. For unknown reasons, it took a very long time and extraordinary efforts for me to conceive again. Only to suffer another early loss. No idea why. It is every babyloss mother's worst nightmare. That is, the nightmare after the original nightmare. And it happens to be my real life.
It is particularly difficult to stomach the probing questions from well-intentioned friends and acquaintances. They SO want to hear good news from me. Some of them genuinely care about what I have been going through and are getting what I call "empathy fatigue." It is very difficult to continue being positive and supportive with a friend who has been facing extreme difficulties for a prolonged time. Then there are those who don't actually care about me specifically, but want to hear good news of some sort of turn-around of events because it bothers them to know that life can be so cruel. They need reassurance that something so awful won't happen to them, too.
While I don't want to get into a lot of details about what has been going on, I felt I should give a brief and honest statement as to why I have very little to say at the moment.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
International Bereaved Mother's Day
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Diversions
When we are in a place of darkness and despair, sometimes we need to look around to find inspirations for joy and appreciate what is beautiful in this life.
Last night I attended a Chris Botti performance. It was spectacular overall, and at times breathtaking. Here is one song they performed that was really fun and uplifting. We all need a little levity!
Last night I attended a Chris Botti performance. It was spectacular overall, and at times breathtaking. Here is one song they performed that was really fun and uplifting. We all need a little levity!
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